Tuesday, July 26, 2016
儘管如此，現在的自己已沒資格去要求什麼，也不想理會自己的心情。就讓自己繼續逃避吧！或許這樣對雙方都比較好⋯⋯
我希望不要再夢到你，你不要出現在我的夢裡。夢裡每每都是好的回憶，但現在只是錯覺是幻境。讓我每次都從睡夢中流著眼淚驚醒過來，心裡空空的，手上卻什麼也抓不住⋯
Thursday, September 25, 2014
最近这几个月有很深的领悟，尤其是对爱情、友情和亲情。
爱情；原来没有天长地久，也不可以在乎曾经拥有。
友情；有好有坏，每个人的出现都是意义非凡。
亲情；最容易忽视的一小组，但是却是那个不离不弃的那一组。
Saturday, August 30, 2014
现在只想好好放纵自己，让眼泪决提。哭到累了就能好好休息。
Sunday, June 22, 2014
一个给不起你安全感的人，永远不会是那个对的人。
一个值得依赖的人会了解你，会谅解你，会宽恕你，会包容你，知道你需要什么，不需要什么。
明知道结局会是那样，为什么心还是那么痛？
Friday, June 20, 2014
What am I exactly doing now?
I am uncertain about my feelings towards him. Do I like him as a friend or more than that? Am I just being overly concerned about his health and etc but why? Hui Fen ah Hui Fen, I think you need to slap yourself awake and stop day-dreaming. You've wasted too much of your time waiting for someone who doesn't know how to appreciate you. Don't repeat back the same old mistake again.
Instead of clarifying and sorting out my feelings, I think I should just focus on the right thing such as my family, friends and work. Cherish whatever time I've left with him cause we'll never know what'll happen in months to come. Maybe in time to come, we may not be even be talking to each other or working together in the same company. Moreover, there are more upcoming separations when people close to me are departing one by one. I feel a sense of separation anxiety and insecurity...
好想跟你说，也好想自己一个人静一静。
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
原来心可以痛到麻木，眼泪也可以像水龙头一样任由它流。
以为自己可以很潇洒，但是原来。。。
Does he even bother? No message, no phone call, nothing...
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
There's no platonic friendship when one party falls for another. It's only possible when both parties talk it out and has a mutual understanding of it.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
I know that you know how I feel towards you but why do you still want me to say it first? To make me learn to fight for what I want and then reject me?
Rejection is not my main concern. Not hanging out after rejection is not too. My only fear is that I'll fall again when we hang out after separating myself for a period of time which defeats the purpose. The feeling only went stronger.
He doesn't understand how much I like him and only treats me as a younger sister.
Recently, as much as things are not really right, I chosed to keep numb about it cause even when I tell him, he will only push the responsibility to me to make decision for myself. Even though I agree with him that it's all up in my mind but can he be more understanding and sensitive? Furthermore, the more I say, the more I reveal about myself. I can still remember how hard my heart was thumping when he popped the question.
Can he be the first one to say instead? *praying*
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Dear blog,
Things have been on a brighter side recently with me being more expressive with why I want from him until recently, actions became more obvious and too much coincidence happening.
I tried not to overthink and let him know how I feel about the whole issue. As much as he threw his trumph card to assure me, his assurance didn't sustain.
Prior to that, his action recently did show that he's more sensitive to my feelings. However...
Sitting on the train now and pondering why I am here now. Shouldn't I be resting at home when I'm not feeling well instead of following them around? What's my purpose in coming here when I can't be of any help. Really need to slap myself awake.
The question he popped me yesterday night shocked me and left me questioning myself with many 'what if'.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Dear blog,
It has been such a long time since I update you. As much as I've overwhelming emotions to share when night falls, I decided that it's time to stop relying on you and to overcome those emotions that are stirring my heart by myself. It's only in this way that I can truly grow (hopefully) to be a stronger person with better management of my emotions and to be mentally stable. On the other hand, there's so many things that I want to share with people and yet, I decided to keep it to myself. Somehow, I've been distancing myself away from him and I know he can feel it and is doing likewise to me. The gap is only becoming bigger and bigger. My heart is burdened with all the words left unsaid but I believe I'll be able to pull through this. Just hang in there. When the time is ripe, things shall happen.
Love,
Hui Fen
Sunday, August 18, 2013
如果这个世界上只有一种东西可以永远不变，我希望，那会是友情。
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Overwhelming emotions and I need time to think through things.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Oh my god, it's already 3am and I've an interview later on at 9am but I totally can't get to sleep. What should I do now?
Anyway, I wonder if my 6th sense is accurate cause things are getting a little fishy. I'll learn to give my blessings if they're really together.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
I delayed in looking for a job because of wanting to spend more time with him since he's back but now, I hope to get a job as soon as possible to break away from him. It's almost impossible to get over him especially when we hang out so often. I guess he'll never understand. I need our lives to stop intertwining so that I can work better to become a better person on my own for myself. I need to just stay calm and be good on my own without relying on others. I can do it and I'm sure I can. Half a year without him and I'm improving emotionally. I need to treat him as just a stranger. I should stop my concern and my curiosity towards him. Just stop asking, just stop knowing and ignorance will be a bliss to me.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
To be honest, I'm envious of people having a group. A few people coming to gather, share their thoughts, feelings, do fun things together and enjoy one another's company. Kinda of miss the good old times but that's not going to make me change the situation for now. Maybe I've been lonely for a long time and I'm yearning to belong to a group, a place where I can fall back on no matter what happens.
Not feeling sad or anything, maybe just empty. Gotto pull through this shitty feeling by myself and I hope the process will be fast enough.
Make peace with myself...
